I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
