i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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