My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
