i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
