Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
