Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
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