so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
