You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
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He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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