he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
