mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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