i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
