I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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