I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
