Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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