wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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