A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
