Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wish there were birth control emojis
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
