I am full of burrito and curiosity
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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