I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have fence marks all over my body
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
