haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
