Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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