no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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