Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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