I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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