My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
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I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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