She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
