do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
