you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
