I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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