ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
