I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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