So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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