Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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