i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
