we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
