READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
