So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
