remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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