Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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