you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
