Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We got so high we made milksteak
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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