u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
