I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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