I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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