I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
