chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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