Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
