I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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