dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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