hell yes lets make some ravioli
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
