I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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