Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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