Please, let me fuck your mom
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
