i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
