remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
id be glad to
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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