ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
