I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
