Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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