Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
