First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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