I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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