My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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