Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
