Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
