I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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