Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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