I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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