Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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