dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
